1. How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One. Their hands are in the air anyway.
2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
3. How many conservative Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb? Change? Who said anything about change?
4. How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb? No one knows, They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.
5. How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
6. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb? One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
7. How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one. Any more would compromise the denominational standards of light and the new one must be exactly like the old one.
8. How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? At least ten. They need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.
9. How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb? None. They use candles.
10. How many Episcopalians does it take to change a ligth bulb? Ten. One to change it and nine to sit around and talk about how good the old one was.
11. How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change a light bulb? One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.
12. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb? "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb? However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service. We explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, flourescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to spiritual luminescence."
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