Hello, and welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
1-800-RU-CRAZY?
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3,4,5, and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.
Thank you and have a nice day!
13 Jun 1999